Information on Male Domestic Abuse

Recognising the signs of domestic abuse

  • Afraid or anxious to please your partner
  • Go along with everything your partner says and does
  • Check in often with your partner to report where you are and what you’re doing
  • Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from your partner
  • Worry about your partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
  • Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of accidents
  • Frequently have to miss work, school, or social occasions
  • Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises/ scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves)
  • Restricted from seeing family and friends
  • Rarely go out in public without your partner
  • Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car

Reasons males do not speak out and leave abusive relationships

  • Shame that they’ve been abused, been unable to stand up for themselves, or somehow failed in their role as a male, husband, or father.
  • There’s a lack of resources. Many men worry they’ll have difficulty being believed by the authorities, or that their abuse will be minimized because they’re male.
  • They ‘re in denial. They may still love their partner when they’re not being abusive and believe that they will change or that you can help them. But change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for their behaviour and seeks professional treatment.
  • To protect their children. They worry that if they leave, their spouse will harm their children or prevent them from having access to them.
  • Their religious beliefs dictate that they stay
  • They ‘re in a same sex relationship but haven’t come out to family or friends and are afraid their partner will out them.

Male victims of partner abuse in 2018/19

576,000 men (2.5%) and 1.2 million women (4.8%) were victims of partner abuse in 2018/19 equating to a ratio of two female victims to every one male victim.

In 2017/18, 11% of male victims (7.2% women) considered taking their life due to partner abuse.

In 2017/18, nearly half of male victims failed to tell anyone they were a victim of domestic abuse (only 51% tell anyone). They are nearly three times less likely to tell anyone than a female victim (49% of men fail to tell anyone as opposed to 19% women). This has worsened since 2015/16 where the figures were 61% for men (88% women).

In 2018/19 – 16 men were killed at the hands of their current or ex-partner.

Characteristics of safe and healthy relationships

  • Joint responsibilities
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Freedom to decide issues of work, school and money

Feel safe to admit and share fears and insecurities

Accept that “no” means no

  • respect partner’s physical space
  • express self non-violently
  • listen and understand
  • value partner’s opinions
  • respect right to differing feelings, friends and activities
  • support partner’s goals

Characteristics of abusive relationships

  • abuser decides

  • servant/master

  • deny job freedom

  • withhold money

Use jealousy, passion, stress and frustration to justify actions

Force partner to do things against his/her will

Hit, choke, kick, pinch, pull hair, poke, twist arms, trip, bit, restrain and use weapons

  • name calling, mind games
  • isolate partner from friends and loved ones
  • charming in public, menacing in private
  • destroying property or pets
  • making light of abuse ‘’you’re too sensitive”

ManKind

We signpost victims of domestic abuse to the Mankind Initiative. If you are a victim of domestic abuse you are not alone.

No matter what your background, age, job, race or sexuality, The Mankind Initiative can offer you support.

01823 334244

The National Domestic Violence Helpline

The Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge, is a national service for women experiencing domestic violence, their family, friends, colleagues and others calling on their behalf.

0808 2000 247

Men's advice line

The Men’s Advice Line is a confidential helpline for all men experiencing domestic violence by a current or ex-partner.

They provide emotional support and practical advice, and can give you details of other specialist services.

0808 801 0327

Articles on male domestic abuse and survivors stories

Alex Skeel: Domestic abuse survivor was 'days from death'

A male domestic abuse survivor said he was “10 days away from death” before he was helped by police and medics.

Break the Silence UK

Supporting male victims and survivors of domestic abuse

 

Men can be victims too

The issue of under-reporting is even more pronounced amongst men, they fear appearing unmanly, shame, embarrassment, and a failure to live up to masculine ideals, which is preventing them from reporting the abuse.

A domestic abuse survivor shares his story

Mark is in his 50s and lives near London. He is one of 2.4million men who have experienced domestic abuse in their lives.

Male victims of domestic abuse face barriers to accessing support services – new study

Male victims of domestic abuse face barriers to accessing support services