Information on Male Domestic Abuse
Recognising the signs of domestic abuse
- Afraid or anxious to please your partner
- Go along with everything your partner says and does
- Check in often with your partner to report where you are and what you’re doing
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from your partner
- Worry about your partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of accidents
- Frequently have to miss work, school, or social occasions
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises/ scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves)
- Restricted from seeing family and friends
- Rarely go out in public without your partner
- Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car
Reasons males do not speak out and leave abusive relationships
- Shame that they’ve been abused, been unable to stand up for themselves, or somehow failed in their role as a male, husband, or father.
- There’s a lack of resources. Many men worry they’ll have difficulty being believed by the authorities, or that their abuse will be minimized because they’re male.
- They ‘re in denial. They may still love their partner when they’re not being abusive and believe that they will change or that you can help them. But change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for their behaviour and seeks professional treatment.
- To protect their children. They worry that if they leave, their spouse will harm their children or prevent them from having access to them.
- Their religious beliefs dictate that they stay
- They ‘re in a same sex relationship but haven’t come out to family or friends and are afraid their partner will out them.
40% of domestic abuse victims are men and boys aged 16 and over. (ONS 2025)
You are not alone. Abuse is abuse. You deserve to be heard, supported and safe.
An estimated 1.5 million males aged 16 and over experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales in the year ending March 2025. That is around two in every five victims.
Domestic abuse can happen to men of any background or sexuality. The person causing harm may be a partner, an ex-partner or a family member. You do not have to have physical injuries for your experience to matter.
At The Paul Lavelle Foundation, we offer a non-judgemental listening ear and practical support to help men find safety, rebuild their lives and feel less alone.
The scale of male domestic abuse
Around 40% of victims are male. Around two in every five domestic abuse victims aged 16 and over in England and Wales are male.
1.5 million male victims in one year. ONS estimate for the year ending March 2025.
Around 1 in 15 males experienced domestic abuse in the last year. ONS puts the rate at 6.5%, for ages 16 and over in England and Wales.
67% of men calling the ManKind helpline had never spoken to anyone about their abuse before. This describes ManKind callers in 2024/25.
Domestic abuse is often viewed through a gendered lens, with a narrative that positions men as perpetrators and women as victims. This can create barriers for men to recognise abuse in their own relationships and reach out for support.
Men may minimise what is happening, feel ashamed or fear they will be disbelieved or treated as the perpetrator when they disclose. Low reporting does not mean low need: it can reflect hidden harm, limited awareness of support and a lack of confidence that services will understand their experiences. We must look beyond reporting figures and ensure men know that abuse can happen to them, that their experiences matter and that support is available.
Male victims can also find their experiences treated as a joke. Portraying a man being hit, humiliated or controlled as comedy minimises the harm and can leave men fearing ridicule if they ask for help.
Abuse is abuse, regardless of gender, and every victim deserves to be taken seriously.
Recognising abuse
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse can include physical or sexual harm, threats, controlling behaviour, emotional abuse and economic abuse. It can happen within a relationship, after it ends, or within a family.
Does any of these feel familiar?
These are examples of abusive behaviour. You do not need to experience every sign to ask for help.
Emotional and psychological abuse: Repeated humiliation, insults or blame; denying what happened and making you doubt yourself.
Coercive control: Rules about who you see, where you go or how you spend your time; punishment or intimidation when you do not comply.
Economic abuse: Controlling access to money, preventing work or forcing debt onto you.
Physical abuse: Hitting, pushing, restraining, throwing objects or strangulation.
Sexual abuse: Unwanted sexual contact or pressure to take part in sexual activity.
Digital abuse and stalking: Monitoring accounts or location; persistent unwanted contact; threatening to share intimate images.
Threats involving children or allegations: Using threats about children or deliberately false allegations to frighten or control you.
Identity-based threats: Threatening to disclose your sexuality or gender identity, or using immigration concerns to control you.
Ask yourself
Am I frightened of their reaction?
Do I change what I say or do to avoid upsetting them?
Am I losing confidence or becoming isolated?
Do I feel controlled rather than respected?
If any of these questions feel familiar, you can talk to us.
You do not need to know exactly what to call your experience before taking that first step.
Understanding your experience
Coercive control can be hard to recognise
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that restricts your freedom and creates fear or dependence. Individual incidents may seem small, but together they can leave you feeling trapped or unable to make your own choices.
Being told the behaviour is normal, deserved or your fault does not make it acceptable.
Abuse can continue after separation
An ex-partner may continue stalking, monitoring or threatening you. Children, money and deliberately false allegations may be used as ways to maintain control.
A disagreement about parenting is not automatically domestic abuse. Threats, intimidation and a pattern of control are reasons to seek specialist support.
Why speaking out can feel difficult
You may worry about being believed, feel embarrassed, still care about the person hurting you, or fear what speaking out could mean for your children, home or future. You may have been told that men cannot be victims.
You do not have to justify why you stayed or why you have not told anyone. Asking for support is a step towards understanding your options.
What should a healthy relationship feel like?
You should be able to disagree without fear, say no to sexual activity, see friends and family, and make decisions about your own life. Respect and care should not depend on obeying someone else’s rules.
You can begin with a conversation
You do not have to have everything worked out. If you are unsure whether what is happening is abuse, tell us what you are experiencing. We will listen without judgement and help you explore a way forward.
How The Paul Lavelle Foundation can help
We support men affected by domestic abuse. Our support includes one-to-one emotional and practical advocacy, safety planning, peer support and help to access other services, including housing, benefits and specialist legal advice.
We work with you to understand what you need and help you make informed decisions about your next steps.
Support line: 0151 651 3777
Monday to Thursday, 9am–5pm. This is not a crisis line.
Taking a first step safely
If possible, use a device the person abusing you cannot access. Let us know a safe way and time to contact you. If you are considering leaving, seek advice about a safety plan.
If you are in immediate danger
Call 999.
If you cannot speak while calling from a mobile, listen to the operator and press 55 when prompted. Pressing 55 does not automatically provide your location.
Other support
ManKind Initiative: 0808 800 1170. Monday–Friday, 10am–4pm, excluding bank holidays. Support for male victims and people concerned about them.
Respect Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327. Monday–Friday, 10am–5pm.
Samaritans: 116 123. Free, any time, day or night, if you are struggling or need someone to talk to.
Worried about a man you know?
Find a safe opportunity to ask how he is. Listen without blame, take what he tells you seriously and give him time.
Offer help to contact support, while respecting his decisions.
Closing message: You do not have to face this alone. Take the first step when it is safe for you we are here to listen.
Characteristics of safe and healthy relationships
- Partnerships
- Economic equality
- Emotional Honesty
- Sexual Respect
- Physical Safety
- Supportive, trusting
- Respectful
- Joint responsibilities
- Shared responsibilities
- Freedom to decide issues of work, school and money
Feel safe to admit and share fears and insecurities
Accept that “no” means no
- respect partner’s physical space
- express self non-violently
- listen and understand
- value partner’s opinions
- respect right to differing feelings, friends and activities
- support partner’s goals
Characteristics of abusive relationships
-
abuser decides
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servant/master
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deny job freedom
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withhold money
Use jealousy, passion, stress and frustration to justify actions
Force partner to do things against his/her will
Hit, choke, kick, pinch, pull hair, poke, twist arms, trip, bit, restrain and use weapons
- name calling, mind games
- isolate partner from friends and loved ones
- charming in public, menacing in private
- destroying property or pets
- making light of abuse ‘’you’re too sensitive”